Top 10 bereaved daughter delves into mothers secrets They Hide From You

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>2:25Meisha Johnson reports.YouTube · CBS Philadelphia · Oct 30, 20173 key moments in this video

d Daughter Delves Into Her Mother’s Secrets

Nonfiction

In 1935, foundlings — also known as children — posed for a publicity shot on the opening day of the Berkhamsted campus of their home.

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THE SECRET LIFE OF DOROTHY SOAMES
A Memoir
By Justine Cowan

Justine Cowan had a problem with her mother — a snootiness problem, a constant criticism problem, an inability to offer warmth or comfort problem.

When Cowan was a child, her mother told her she was fat. She pushed her relentlessly, signing her up for 6 a.m. violin lessons with an extra-prestigious teacher. When Cowan grew up, and her mother came to visit, she went through her closet and affixed notes to her clothes with safety pins, explaining how they should be mended.

“I didn’t love my mother,” Cowan writes.

So it came as a surprise when her mother died, and Cowan found that she was knocked sideways, in a state of deep, inarticulate mourning. Cowan’s memoir, “The Secret Life of Dorothy Soames,” recounts how she responded to this moment — not by grieving her mother, but by investigating her.

In fact, her mother’s past provided a fat target. A Briton who had emigrated to America in her 20s and married a lawyer from Tennessee, she had always suggested she had grown up in wealthy, fox-hunting circles, and that this explained why she held her daughter to exacting, aristocratic standards.

But late in life, she dropped hints at a far bleaker reality. She had in fact been a “foundling,” raised in a British home for the children of unwed mothers. Once, mysteriously, she grabbed a notebook and scrawled, over and over again, a name unfamiliar to her daughter: Dorothy Soames.

Cowan is a public interest lawyer — accustomed, when taking on a new case, to plunging into a heap of documents and piecing together a narrative. So, five years after her mother’s death, she immersed herself in the archives of the Foundling Hospital, a vast institution established in the 18th century to raise the children of unmarried mothers. Perhaps there she could understand why her mother was the way she was.

The propulsive parts of the book come as Cowan uncovers the past that her mother was so intent on hiding. The shapeless brown clothing that Cowan’s mother had sewn for her, it turns out, was a duplicate of the uniforms she had been forced to wear growing up.

Her mother’s fixation on music and art lessons had been drummed into her at the Foundling Hospital, which deprived its inhabitants of affection but insisted that they achieve a glaze of high culture.

Dorothy Soames — the name her mother had scribbled on a notebook — was the name that the Foundling Hospital had assigned her as an infant, so that she would completely sever her ties with the Shropshire farm girl who had reluctantly handed her over.

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Cowan comes to understand why her mother found it difficult to bond; her childhood all but guaranteed it. Established in the 18th century as a cleaner, safer alternative to the poorhouse, the hospital was initially overwhelmed by mothers desperate to hand off their infants, and many of the infants accepted in the first few years died of disease.

By the time Cowan’s mother came along, the hygiene was better, but the approach to child-rearing was driven by a Victorian passion for discipline. At the time, social scientists actively preached against physical contact with newborns; new mothers were taught not to kiss their babies, or pick them up when they cried. Psychologists dreamed of raising children according to scientific principles, and the Foundling Hospital provided them with a laboratory.

Like an experienced litigator, Cowan shows us one exhibit after another, building a case that her mother was a victim of this harsh system. Sections of the book feel padded with term-papery digressions. I found myself longing to hear less from the card catalog, and more from Cowan’s mother.

Her mother comes off as troubled, brittle, unreasonably tough on her daughter. She acknowledged as much to Cowan, once, telling her that she was “grateful and proud that despite my bad parenting you managed to become a remarkable person.”

But Cowan sometimes paints her as a villainess without providing the evidence to support it. The simplest explanation is that mother and daughter never found a way to connect. And then their time ran out.

In fact — and this is a heartbreak — Cowan could have avoided the archives if she had sat down to interview her mother. Before she died, her mother had written a memoir, and even invited Cowan to London to investigate her past together. But at the time, their relationship was so broken that Cowan declined the offer. “I had no interest in learning about my mother’s past,” she says.

“The Secret Life of Dorothy Soames” is a frustrating endeavor, in the end. It does evoke sympathy for Eileen — Eileen was her mother’s real name — just as Cowan clearly hoped it would.

But it does not heal the injury that sent Cowan on this mission, the crack in the bowl.

A child’s desire for closeness to her mother is a fearsome force. As she contemplates the cold severity of her mother’s upbringing, Cowan recalls the disturbing experiments of Harry Harlow, whose work explored the importance of maternal bonding in childhood development. Harlow gave baby monkeys a choice between a wire mesh holding a bottle of milk and a terry cloth doll that they believed to be their “mother.” The babies clung to the “mother,” even if the dolls pierced them with spikes or blasted them with cold water. Their need for a mother overwhelmed the need for food, even the need for safety.

Cowan’s affecting memoir stands as a reminder of what was taken from the “foundlings” — they had mothers, for God’s sake! — and the gaping absence that was passed on, as a legacy, to their own children, including, eventually, to Justine Cowan.

But it is too late. Nothing can get her the mother she needed.

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A Bereaved Daughter Delves Into Her Mother's Secrets

A Bereaved Daughter Delves Into Her Mother's Secrets

  • Author: nytimes.com

  • Rating: 3⭐ (246194 rating)

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  • Sumary: Justine Cowan discovered that her mother, an exacting Bay Area grande dame, had grown up in a bleak institution for “foundlings.”

  • Matching Result: Justine Cowan discovered that her mother, an exacting Bay Area grande dame, had grown up in a bleak institution for “foundlings.”

  • Intro: A Bereaved Daughter Delves Into Her Mother’s SecretsNonfictionWhen you purchase an independently reviewed book through our site, we earn an affiliate commission.THE SECRET LIFE OF DOROTHY SOAMESA MemoirBy Justine CowanJustine Cowan had a problem with her mother — a snootiness problem, a constant criticism problem, an inability to offer warmth or comfort problem.When Cowan was a child, her mother told her she was fat. She pushed her relentlessly, signing her up for 6 a.m. violin lessons with an extra-prestigious teacher. When Cowan grew up, and her mother came to visit, she went through her closet and affixed notes to her…
  • Source: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/01/12/books/review/the-secret-life-of-dorothy-soames-justine-cowan.html

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A Bereaved Daughter Delves Into Her Mother's Secrets (Published ...

A Bereaved Daughter Delves Into Her Mother's Secrets (Published …

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  • Sumary: Jan 25, 2021 – Justine Cowan discovered that her mother, an exacting Bay Area grande dame, had grown up in a bleak institution for “foundlings.”

  • Matching Result: Jan 25, 2021 – Justine Cowan discovered that her mother, an exacting Bay Area grande dame, had grown up in a bleak institution for “foundlings.”

  • Intro: A Bereaved Daughter Delves Into Her Mother’s Secrets (Published 2021) | British home, Women in history, London picturesWhen autocomplete results are available use up and down arrows to review and enter to select. Touch device users, explore by touch or with swipe gestures.
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A Bereaved Daughter Delves Into Her Mother's Secrets - Gadget Clock

A Bereaved Daughter Delves Into Her Mother's Secrets – Gadget Clock

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  • Sumary: Cowan comes to know why her mom discovered it tough to bond; her childhood all however assured it. Established within the 18th century as a cleaner, safer

  • Matching Result: Cowan comes to know why her mom discovered it tough to bond; her childhood all however assured it. Established within the 18th century as a cleaner, safer.

  • Intro: A Bereaved Daughter Delves Into Her Mother’s Secrets – Gadget ClockA Bereaved Daughter Delves Into Her Mom’s Secrets and techniques Cowan comes to know why her mom discovered it tough to bond; her childhood all however assured it. Established within the 18th century as a cleaner, safer different to the poorhouse, the hospital was initially overwhelmed by moms determined at hand off their infants, and lots of the infants accepted within the first few years died of illness. By the point Cowan’s mom got here alongside, the hygiene was higher, however the strategy to child-rearing was pushed by a Victorian…
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Sea Escape - Lynne Reeves Griffin

Sea Escape – Lynne Reeves Griffin

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  • Matching Result: “Lynne Griffin adroitly weaves the separate truths of two women, a mother and daughter, into the singular, moving story of one family. Peopled with characters …

  • Intro: Sea Escape | Lynne Reeves Griffin A NOVEL “…a multi-generational novel that plucks the heartstrings.” —Entertainment Weekly —Entertainment Weekly Top 10 book of summer 2010 —Indie Next List Notable Acclaimed novelist and nationally recognized family expert Lynne Griffin returns with SEA ESCAPE–an emotional, beautifully imagined story inspired by the author’s personal family letters about the ties that bind mothers and daughters. Laura Martinez is wedged in the middle place, grappling with her busy life as a nurse, wife, and devoted mom to Henry and Claire, when her estranged mother, Helen, suffers a devastating stroke. In a desperate attempt to lure…
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Daughters of Hope: Thriving after Mother Loss - Amazon.com

Daughters of Hope: Thriving after Mother Loss – Amazon.com

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  • Sumary: Daughters of Hope: Thriving after Mother Loss [Folkert, Myrna] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. Daughters of Hope: Thriving after Mother Loss

  • Matching Result: It may assist any person who has lost a loved one, not only a daughter who has lost a mother. This book points to God’s promises of comfort, peace and eternity …

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on the bookshelf - glow in the woods

on the bookshelf – glow in the woods

  • Author: glowinthewoods.com

  • Rating: 3⭐ (246194 rating)

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  • Sumary: memoirs

  • Matching Result: Part memoir, part handbook for the heartbroken, this powerful, unsparing account of loss will speak to all who have been bereaved and are grieving, and offers …

  • Intro: on the bookshelf — glow in the woods memoirs Notes for the Everlost: A Field Guide To Grief by Kate InglisPart memoir, part handbook for the heartbroken, this powerful, unsparing account of loss will speak to all who have been bereaved and are grieving, and offers inspiration on moving forward, gently integrating the loss into life.When Kate Inglis’s twin boys were born prematurely, one survived and the other did not. Inglis’s story is a springboard that can help other bereaved parents—and anyone who has experienced wrenching loss—reflect on emotional survival in the first year; dealing with family, friends, and bystanders post-loss;…
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Review - Ursula's Secret by Mairi Wilson - Writing Tips Oasis -

Review – Ursula's Secret by Mairi Wilson – Writing Tips Oasis –

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  • Sumary: Ursula’s Secret by Mairi Wilson reviewed by Jennifer Joyce Lexy Shaw is grieving the death of her mother when she learns about the sudden death of her mother’s guardian, Ursula. Though Lexy hasn’t seen Ursula since she was a child, Ursula has left everything to her in her will. While at Ursula’s flat, Lexy discovers a […]

  • Matching Result: Lexy Shaw is grieving the death of her mother when she learns about the sudden death of her mother’s guardian, Ursula. Though Lexy hasn’t seen Ursula since she …

  • Intro: Review – Ursula’s Secret by Mairi Wilson – Writing Tips OasisUrsula’s Secret by Mairi Wilson reviewed by Jennifer Joyce Lexy Shaw is grieving the death of her mother when she learns about the sudden death of her mother’s guardian, Ursula. Though Lexy hasn’t seen Ursula since she was a child, Ursula has left everything to her in her will. While at Ursula’s flat, Lexy discovers a file of papers that could change everything she ever knew about herself and her mother and sends her on a journey to Africa to discover the secrets that have been kept hidden for decades. Ursula’s…
  • Source: https://writingtipsoasis.com/review-ursulas-secret-by-mairi-wilson/

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>2:25Meisha Johnson reports.YouTube · CBS Philadelphia · Oct 30, 20173 key moments in this video

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